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Many people in relationships and marriages are fighting symptoms and so they end up feeling frustrated when their relationship/marriage still suffers. The following are a few symptoms and how to address their root cause.

1. SUDDEN SEXUAL DISINTEREST
   If the sex life in your marriage has gone down yet you two are in your sexual age, the problem is not the sex. The lack of sex is just a symptom so stop putting pressure on your marriage by insisting your spouse must have sex with you.

You two are simply not finding each other sexually attractive because of negative opinions formed about each other. Perhaps you two have been hurting each other over and over without apologising. The hurt has grown into resentment, resentment into negative opinion. It is difficult to desire someone you have a negative opinion of since sex starts in the mind. Apologize, make up, show care to your spouse and that you are not selfish and the sexual urge will progressively return.

2. POOR COMMUNICATION
   If communication has suffered between you two, don’t bulldoze your partner why he/she no longer talks with you as much. You cannot force someone to talk to you, you can only invite them by being warm.

The problem could be that slowly, you or both of you started being harsh towards each other, fighting alot, arguing, and your messages stopped being warm and became orders, complaints and threats. You pushed your partner away or you pushed each other. Solve this by being easy to talk to, not being overly sensitive, rekindling friendship where you two feel comfortable with each other. Be inviting.

3. ALCOHOLISM
   If your notice your hun is drinking more, don’t fight the alcohol and give ultimatums. The alcoholism is just a symptom of a hurting adult, an escape. The bottle has become a false best friend.

Solve this by being the real best friend. Win your hun over and listen. Allow him/her to open up to you and vent to you. Offer a shoulder to lean on. Assure your hun of your love because he/she is hurting. If you be there, your hun will slowly see no use for alcohol.

4. COMING HOME LATE
   If your spouse is coming home late, don’t make noise and threats about it; the more you do this the more he/she will dread coming home to you and come later than before when you are asleep. He/she will avoid you and reduce the house to a lodge.

The coming home late is a symptom of a spouse who doesn’t feel at home in his/her own house, perhaps because you are difficult, you shout too much, you give no peace, you are constantly whining or negative. People avoid places where they don’t feel at home. Solve this by being homely. Give your spouse peace and rest. Be that person to have an easy time with, that person to laugh with and relax with and your spouse will look forward to you.

5. PRAYERLESSNESS
   Are you two praying less as a couple? Lamenting about how less you pray is not the answer.

Prayerless is a symptom of pride, hardness of the heart and the lack of desire for accountability. It is also an indication that the individual walk with God for one or both of you is wanting. The solution is not to talk about prayer but to pray as you communicate humility and grace. Start with short prayers of thanksgiving as you build up both your vulnerability with God. Soon, you two will pray more and embrace accountability.

6. PORNOGRAPHY
   If you notice your spouse is hooked on pornography, remember that the addiction is a symptom of someone who feels alone and wants to run in a fantasy world of pleasure. It could be an addiction he/she had before meeting you that has cropped back up or a new found one.

Solve this by getting into his/her mind. Talk sexual and naughty talks with him/her and this will make him/her relax and lessen the power of the fantasies by making them no longer a secret. Without judging, get to know why your spouse feels the need to run to an alone place, get him/her to open up to you about his/her struggles. As you do that, satisfy your spouse sexually so that reality tastes sweeter than fantasy

7. SUDDEN SECRECY
   If you notice your partner is keeping secrets from you, be careful not to panic and make a fuss about it. You might make things uncomfortable for him/her.

Ask yourself if in the past you have over reacted, judged, mocked or used what your partner shared with you against him/her. Chances are, you did and you put your partner on the edge and on defense mode. Solve this by relaxing. Be a keeper of secrets, don’t blow things out of proportion. Share stuff with your partner and be cool to talk to.