There’s so much to say about marriage, and I’m not an expert — but I’ve learned some things over time, and I’ve counseled a lot of marriages. I’ve found out that just because a couple says “I do” there’s no lifetime guarantee of joy and happiness. Here’s one key that helps you build a strong marriage:
Key #1 is: Put Your Spouse First. The main cause of marital discord or divorce is selfishness – thinking of yourself before your spouse. It sounds simplistic, but real love is putting the other person first. That means you’ll have to work at understanding your spouse and give real effort to meeting their needs.
Have you noticed that men and women are very different from each other? I am convinced that most women don’t understand what makes men tick, and vice versa. A huge key to putting your spouse first is knowing what they need. They aren’t like you – their needs are different from yours! Here are the top needs – I recommend reading and studying more about them. One great book is “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley Jr.
A man’s top for our needs are:
1) Honor / Respect. When a husband feels disrespected, it’s hard for him to love his wife, and he reacts in ways that feel unloving to his wife.
2) Sex. Wives might think, “why does he need so much sex?” Because he does! Wise is the wife who seeks to meet that need.
3) Recreation / Fun. Men like to play/recreate with their wives. Find things you like to do together.
4) Domestic Support. A man’s home should be his castle, his place of peace.
A woman’s top needs are:
1) Security – both emotional and environmental. When a woman feels unsafe, it’s hard for her to honor and respect her husband, then she reacts in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband.
2) Non-sexual Affection. Things like holding hands and loving touches that don’t lead to sex.
3) Open Communication. Women need their husband’s words and feelings! They need to connect.
4) Spiritual Leadership. They truly want a man to be the spiritual head of the family.
Seek to learn these things. When you put your spouse first and meet their needs (instead of demanding that your own be met), you are well on your way to a strong, happy marriage that is heaven on earth.
~ Author: Rev. Lordson Tabi
Afterthought
Make wise decisions and take practical steps to improve your marriage in 2024. Understand that a new year changes no marriage. Decisions with practical steps in discipline does. You’ll be consistent to the level you are convinced that these good things will improve your marriage. Go for it. There’s room for improvement to a willing, humble, and practical couple.
Assignment:
Ask your spouse; what will you like me to always do for you that will be satisfying and encouraging? View the request in the light of God’s Word. Discuss the need, and make promises with respectful ways to help each other keep up with it.
