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Marriage is no longer what it used to be. In those days as we were told, marriage was very simple. It was seen as a necessity and mature men get a wife or were given a wife. They both go to the farm and the annual economy of the family was around the farm. Their needs were limited and they gave birth to many children to help on the farm. The most successful farmers were the richest in the community and were respected.

The richest farmers were accorded the opportunity to marry the most beautiful women in the town. The major consideration was the ability to feed the women. They were seen unfortunately as agents of procreation.

Today’s needs are different. Children no longer go to the farm but to good schools. Enrolling children in good schools costs a fortune. School fees are high. Rents or the cost of owning a house is high. Vehicles are costly. Food cost is skyrocketing.

Living is a cost and men now put that into consideration in choosing a spouse. Beauty and attractive bodies no longer determine the qualifications for becoming a wife.

Guys and men want to know what you are bringing to the table. It is no longer about feeding women. Women now contribute to the cost of keeping a home. Men no longer check the beauty of the nails, but the beauty of the brains. Long and colourful nails are good, but better on the fingers of resourceful women.

I am a big advocate of girl child education. Education enhances the opportunities available to a woman. Education recalibrates her brain to think of resourcefulness and productivity rather than thinking of a buttocks. Education reminds her of her power and responsibilities.

But a lot of educated women are not resourceful. Education and productivity are not the same. Wives must be productive and resourceful. Men want to have women who are indispensable, women who are respected, professionals who are not liabilities.

They want to return from work and have a productive argument and debate with a woman who understands what she is doing, not the one who is only interested in expensive wigs that she can’t afford. He won’t be thinking of the hundreds of thousands to pay for the children’s education and still be preoccupied with how to get you a “bone straight”. He wants an intellectual. He wants a successful trader. He wants an IT guru. He wants a professional. He wants an accomplished personality.

Apart from education, women should be intentional about self development. My niece is already taking after my mum. She is a designer, a baker and a bead maker and she is not even 10! We are preparing her for her future and her future husband would find her interestingly enterprising.

Before you learn how to spend big, learn how to earn big. A wife that is a liability is only renting a place in her marriage. If she is fortunate, she will survive the responsibilities of a tenant. If not, she will be ejected for another one to come in.

Wives, treat your husband to a treat. From your photography earnings, buy him a phone. Surprise him. Tell him you have gotten some food stuff. Drive his car to the Filling Station and fuel it . He deserves that too.

I am not indulging the men. Husbands are the head of the family. You are to provide for the family and you should strive to do that. But you need the support of your wife. A supportive wife keeps her home and helps the mental sanity of her husband.

Girls, begin to take responsibilities before you get married, practice it. An irresponsible girl will need the grace of God not to be an irresponsible wife. Relationships aren’t commerce and should not be transactional. Let him do what he can do for you and do some for yourself and even for him. That builds love and togetherness.

Have you sat down with your husband who deals on solar panels to help him plan how to improve his business? Have you gone out of your way to secure an IT contract for your husband?

Husbands, be secure. Don’t lock her up in the house and render her redundant. Encourage her. Support her. Plan with her. Whatever you sow in a woman is what you will reap.

The world will be better if couples work together and help each other to succeed.


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