Blog

Over the weekend, I saw a movie. The movie centres around a couple and their friends.

I don’t know the name of the movie, in case you want to ask for the name, forgive me. I just watched the movie.

So in the movie, the wife was always suspecting the husband of infidelity even when there was no evidence to substantiate her claims.

She accused the man of having an affair with his female colleagues and with her friend too.

She was always following the man around and snooping around his phone and this suspicion was a constant source of conflicts.

It got to a point, the woman started to get violent physically, she even stabbed the man on one occasion.

So the man couldn’t take the whole stress the wife was causing him, consequently he filed for a divorce.

Fortunately, due to intervention from friends and family and after realizing what being suspicious can do to a marriage, she changed and the marriage was saved eventually.

I want to draw a few issues from this story…

1. Why your spouse is suspecting you

a. Lack of trust

Probably due to her previous relationships, how she was disappointed, and betrayed she finds it hard to trust anyone again.

Or maybe you’ve done something previously or are doing something presently that made her not to trust you.

Lack of trust will always lead to suspicion.

b. Insecurity

Insecurity is another major sponsor of suspicion. When one is not confident about himself or herself, being suspicious will be the natural outcome.

When one does not feel good about himself or herself, when one is always feeling unworthy and undeserving, suspicion will always be there.

c. Jealousy

Excessive jealousy is the offspring of insecurity. When one comes to understand your value and worth, they may not want to lose you to someone else.

When someone is not confident about himself or herself, about his or her value and worth, jealousy will come naturally and that will often lead to suspicion.

Let me make something clear here, love comes with a healthy dose of jealousy. If you say you love someone and don’t feel a moderate jealousy from time to time, your love may be questionable.

Even if you are Mr confidence itself, something must move inside of your inside.

2. What to do when your spouse is suspicious of you

a. Be truthful

Trust is not a gift. It’s earned and being truthful is one of the ways to earn trust.

Nothing kills trust like lies. When you always tell a lie, don’t expect anyone to trust you.

Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Go where you said you will be going, do what you say you will be doing. Don’t say A and do B without giving a satisfactory explanation.

b. Be transparent

Transparency fosters trust. Be open with your dealings. He that must be trusted must show himself trustworthy.

When your phone is a no go area, you lock it with password, finger and face recognition and your partner doesn’t know your password, when you hide to receive and make calls, and when your partner can’t answer your phone, don’t expect a trust. You’re not being transparent.

When there’s nothing to hide, when there’s no hide and seek games, you make it easy for your partner to easily trust you.

c. Assure the person

When your partner is always suspecting you, another thing you can do and that’s if you’re clean is to keep assuring the person.

To assure someone means to give the person confidence, to comfort, to cheer, to reassure etc. So always assure your partner that nothing is going on. Give the person assurance.

Don’t just say it also do it. Giving assurance helps to boost trust.

d. Help the person to see his or her worth

Like I said before, when someone is not confident about himself or herself, his value and worth, the person will trouble your life with suspicion.

When a person doesn’t feel good about himself or herself, they will tend to derive their value and worth from being associated with you, therefore they will guide you jealously because you make them feel valuable and good about themselves.

So help the person to be confident about themselves, help them to see their value and worth. Let them know that in and of themselves, they are valuable and worthy. They don’t have to depend on others for their value and worth.

Do this and you will be you did. Remember, trust is not a gift. You have to earn by being trustworthy.